


17:43

by darkangel_silvermoon



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Coping, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash Goggles, Spoilers for season 6 episode 13: “Lauren”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 02:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18714628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel_silvermoon/pseuds/darkangel_silvermoon
Summary: It takes 17 muscles to smile, 43 muscles to frown.





	1. Chapter 1

His chest just won't rise, no matter how hard he tries- he just can't get the air into his lungs.   
  
And he panics; tears springing to his eyes, trembling fingers touch his own chest, heartbeat faintly sounding off.   
  
_ Reid can't breathe- Emily Prentiss is dead. _ __  
**  
** The sky bruises purple as the sun exhales for the final time; night settles with a thick heaviness that Reid can not stand.   
  
_ Reid can't breathe- Emily Prentiss is dead. _ __  
**  
** His skin crawls at the thought of her body; lifeless, cold. Held to fire, incinerated, scattered, physically there but still...gone.   
  
It's just not right.   
  
The breeze absentmindedly ruffles the tips of greening branches.   
  
Reid folds his arms across his chest-   
  
_ Lost. _ __  
__  
_ Alone. _ __  
__  
_ Broken. _ __  
__  
_ Again. _ __  
__  
He feels a heavy hand caress his shoulder, fingers curling against the collar of his shirt.   
  
Reid feels guilty for feeling anything at all.   
  
"Kid, are you alright?" His voice rumbles low in Reid's ear.   
  
Reid's shoulders sag as he shakes his head.   
  
It takes 17 muscles to smile, but 43 muscles to frown. It's worth every effort this night.   
  
Morgan finds himself wrapping an arm gingerly around Reid's waist, and Reid lets out a choked sound as he feels the contact.   
  
Sometimes they're all each other has to cling on to as they're dashed against craggy rocks over and over again.   
  
_ Reid can't breathe- Emily Prentiss is dead- Morgan's heart is still beating. _ __  
__  
"No." Reid's voice is barely a whisper as he turns into Morgan's touch.   
  
"No." He whispers as Morgan's smell surrounds him as Reid buries his face into his shirt; Morgan rests his chin on the crook of Reid's shoulder.   
  
" I miss her." Reid takes a stuttering breath in the soft cotton of Morgan's shirt, material dampened with grief. Morgan breathes in deep, hurt because...he hurts too. Hurt because he hates to see Reid like this. Hurt because it was never fair to begin with and now they have to deal with this?   
  
_ The aftermath... _ __  
__  
_ The fall out... _ __  
  
"I know Pretty Boy, I know." Morgan sways as he grips Reid for dear life.   
  
Darkness is nothing more than the inherent absence of light.   
  
No matter how many trivial facts you try to recall, it doesn't make the darkness any less real.   
  
__ Emily Prentiss is dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid breathes in deep.   
  
Today is one of those days he'd rather be buried in the covers, removed from the world for once.   
  
But sadly, he stuck behind plastered walls and fluorescent lighting; stacks of files thicker than his medical files and very short of coffee.   
  
Today is not going to be a very good day.   
  
People mill around, the clouds matching their sluggish pace as the rain unleash its fury against the window.   
  
His chest is tight as he tries to remember what it's like to breathe; I mean really take in enough air and not feel like you're drowning.   
  
His fingers tremble as he tries to make his hand pick up his discarded pen, but he can't. He's just so...tired; body sagging under the strain of the melancholy air.   
  
How are they supposed to do this again?   
  
Jump back into the gruesomeness what has become their lives. The reason they can't sleep, relationships disintegrate, lives are lost...the reason why Reid feels so alone.   
  
So totally, utterly alone at the moment.   
  
He doesn't even realize that he's sobbing until he feels Morgan's hand rubbing slow circles in his shoulder.   
  
Morgan's face is dower as he wordlessly touches Reid's elbow, lifting him slightly for him to stand.   
  
He steers a shaky Reid to an empty conference room, Reid placing his weight on Morgan's arm.   
  
Morgan sets Reid down on a couch, turning to lock the door behind them.   
  
Reid draws his knees to his chest, wiry limbs hugging his legs as he keens, sound filling the empty space.   
  
"Kid..." No words come to Morgan as he stares, lost.   
  
How can he comfort Reid when he doesn't know how to comfort himself. They're both moored against the shore.   
  
But Morgan wants to be strong for Reid's sake, not because he thinks Reid is weak, but because Reid needs more support, he's been through so much already, they all have.   
  
And it hurts to see any of them in pain, but when it's Reid...you just have to feel for him. It's indescribable how much Morgan wants to smooth away pain; he wants to put a smile on Reid's face for once.   
  
Like before Prentiss, Haley, Gideon. Before Hankel and Elle, before his mother got really bad, before his father left. Before...   
  
And it scares Morgan the most, because he doesn't think he can. He's not enough and he doesn't know what to do. And no matter how much he wants, he feels as if those are only words. And what the fuck good are words if there's no action behind them. And there's a panic rising to his chest, threatening to choke his throat as he braces himself. He wants to scream with how maddening this whole situation in. And this wouldn't have happened if Prentiss would have trusted her team, their family...him. Goddamn it, why did she think she couldn't trust him? He was right there for christ sake. HE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!   
  
"Derek?"   
  
Morgan shivers at the sorrow in Reid's voice, startled by his first name. They never use their first names.   
  
"Spencer- I'm sorry. I don't..." Morgan shakes his head, tears threatening to spill.   
  
"I just...could you-" Reid stumbles, trying to catch his breath, trying to hold on to himself.   
Morgan lets out a shuttering breath as he kneels beside Reid, wrapping his arms around him tight. And Reid lets go. They both do, as the grief swells around their hearts, cresting against their ribs, rising like tides. It cleans them...it carries them away to a place where it's okay.   
  
It's okay to feel this sadness, this terror, this darkness; as long as they have each other to help pull each other out.   
  
They have a hope that they'll be okay one day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read.


End file.
